Sharp dressed gal

Emmalyn is going to be one sharp dressed little lady! I just finished washing every piece of clothing we have for her, and after 3 super-sized loads of baby clothes, the washer/dryer and I are pooped!

Dear Emmalyn

Dear Emmalyn,

There's about a month left before you arrive, and it feels like a lifetime away. We are ready for you. Your nursery is decorated, and Daddy put your crib together. Mommy hung pictures on the wall including the story about your adoption that was in our local paper and filled the room with teddy bears for you to snuggle with.

Your Grandmas, Grandpas, Great-Grandma, Aunts, Uncles and Cousins are all eagerly awaiting your arrival too. Everyone has been giving us things for you, and we are very lucky to have such wonderful family and friends who care so much for you already.

Your Birthmom is looking forward to your arrival too. She loves you very much...so much that she wants you to have a wonderful life, and she is looking forward to spending holidays and other special occasions with you and watching you grow up. Your Birthgrandma and Birthuncle are also excited about meeting you and watching you grow up.

Mommy and Daddy are over the moon with joy knowing that you'll soon be in our arms. While you have been growing in your Birthmom's belly, you have been growing in our hearts, and we already love you more than anything in the world...we know we will fall in love with you even more when we finally get to hold you in our arms.

You are one lucky little lady. So many people love you and are waiting for your safe arrival in this world.

We love you with all our stuffing!

Mommy & Daddy

The Christmas Spirit

I love Christmas! I love decorating my house! I love putting up the Christmas tree! I love baking, making candy, filling stockings, wrapping gifts, and most of all, I love that my sister and nieces and nephew come to visit!

As has become tradition, on Christmas morning, we host a brunch for our family and friends who want to come along too! After we eat, we open gifts and play Christmas bingo for prizes. Once everyone is full, the kids usually end up playing Rock Band with Uncle Steve.

This year, Birthmom, Birthgrandma and Birthuncle will be here for brunch too, and we are very excited to have them along. I love how naturally they have become a part of the family. This will be wonderful for Emmalyn...we want her to see us as one family who all love her...not a family here and a family there.

As Christmas approaches, I can't help but think about how wonderful this Christmas will be. I also can't help but think about next Christmas...Emmalyn's first Christmas...and how much more wonderful it will be simply because she will be with us!

So, if in all my wrapping, baking, candymaking and daydreaming I fail to blog, I want to be sure to take the time to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and Holiday joy to all!

The Nursery

I spent a few hours today cleaning out the closets in the nursery. This room was once our office, and it seems we packed a zillion things in the closets. As I was cleaning, I came across many things I had forgotten and things that made me wonder why I was saving them.

Today, I put the vinyl lyrics to "Golden Slumbers" by the Beatles on the wall behind the rocking chair, and I hung a few other things on the wall. Tomorrow, I will clean out the other closet, and start moving Emmalyn's things into the room. Sometime this weekend, Hubby will put the crib together, and we will be officially ready for Emmalyn to arrive.

We had a little scare last night as Birthmom was having pains. Everything turned out okay, and Emmalyn's heartbeat was very strong. Birthmom is feeling better, and I am very glad.

Hubby and I are both counting the days until Emmalyn is here!

Missing my baby

I don't know what feelings are normal and what aren't, but when I am with baby and Birthmom, I feel a certain sense of peace. When I am away from them, I'm constantly wondering if they are alight.

Birthmom graciously lets me rub her belly when I say goodbye to Emmalyn, but when I'm not with her, I miss her. I can't wait until she's here with us permanently.

The endless week...

This week seems like it will go on forever. Today was my first of 4 finals, and I must say, time is dragging!

This morning before school, Mom and I went shopping and got a swing for Emmalyn. She now has all the "big stuff" except for a dresser and high chair. All we need now is a lot of little stuff like bottles, bibs, onesies, formula, diapers.

Most importantly, we need Emmalyn! Only a month and a half to go! We cannot wait for her to arrive!

6 long weeks until we get to hold our daughter...how I wish time would fly!

A disappointing day

Today's craft show was disappointing because I only sold two things. However, I met some very lovely people who were very interested in our adoption. One woman had adopted her daughter, and she was wonderful to talk to.

So, despite the lack of sales, meeting the wonderful people there was great.

Finals are this week...my mind will probably explode by the time I finish all the grading, but after a days rest, I plan to get started on finishing Emmalyn's room as she will be making her debut soon!

Another Craft Sale

Tomorrow I will be attending another craft sale. Hopefully, we can sell enough to get our craft sale pot back up to what it was before I made a payment to our attorney.

Wish us luck!

7 WEEKS and counting!!!

A crazy semester

This semester, by far, has been the craziest I have encountered as a teacher. I cannot believe there are only two weeks left before Winter Break. We are only 7-8 weeks away from Emmalyn's arrival!

I cannot wait for this insane semester to be over because I have been chomping at the bit to finish decorating Emmalyn's room. The walls are painted a beautiful, sunshine yellow. Her crib, basinet, changing table, bouncy chair and carseat/stroller are here, and I found the most adorable teddy bear cribset that even came with wall decor, a diaper hanger and valances.

The only thing left to do is move the plants out of her room, clean out the closets, put the crib together, and decorate.

This journey, like this semester, has seemed a little crazy. One day we were mourning, discouraged, and certain we would never be parents. In just a couple of weeks, we will be putting the finishing touches on the nursery, and just a few weeks after that, our daughter will be here.

I think I can deal with this kind of crazy!

Tree Trimming Traditions

I strive to avoid Black Friday shopping, and instead, I spend the day at home decorating our house for the holidays. This year, I have two Christmas trees...one for our family ornaments (those that have been passed down, and we buy new ones for us and the dogs each year) and one for my growing collection of snowmen/women ornaments. I'm in charge of getting the trees up, lights on etc. Then, when hubby gets home from work, we put the ornaments up together (with a great deal of help from the dogs).

As we prepare to decorate this year's tree, we can't help but think about next Christmas! Emmalyn will be nearly a year old when we decorate, and though she can't help much, she will get to help decorate our trees. Steve and I can't wait to help her put her "Baby's First Christmas" ornament on the tree!

Someone commented that we should enjoy our last 'kid-free holidays.' We are truly enjoying them because everything we do, we think "next year, Emmalyn will be with us"...and we can't wait!

A few E-bay sales to help raise funds!

I have listed several items on e-bay to help our fundraising efforts. Please check them out, and please bid!

Thank you!

http://www.ebay.com/itm/300628651824?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

http://www.ebay.com/itm/300626662178?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

The Nursery

Yesterday (Sunday), the Bears played at 3:15, and I was up early. Something came over me, and though I planned to work on finishing the nursery over Christmas Break, I accomplished quite a bit in getting the room ready for Emmalyn.

The bassinette is ready, the changing table we got from a friend has been refinished, the rocking chair is in place and the clothes that our cousin gave us have been sorted and folded. We've decided to decorate the nursery with teddy bears. This works because hubby and I are Bears and Cubs fans (yes, I know...but we are still fans!), and these two teams fit perfectly with the decor!

The other day, I found a beautiful silver teddy bear picture frame with the opening for the photo in the bear's belly. This is where we will put a picture of Birthmom...or as the baby will know her, Bellymom...and it will sit on a shelf near the crib.

On the wall behind the rocking chair is a stencil that I found on ebay of the lyrics to "Golden Slumbers" by my favorite band, The Beatles: Golden slumbers fill your eyes / Smiles awake you when you rise/ Sleep pretty darling do not cry / And I will sing you a lullaby.

As the nursery comes together, I realize more and more how close we are to bringing our daughter home. What we thought would forever be an "extra bedroom" or a "home office" is now, officially, our daughter's nursery, and I cannot express how wonderful that is.

Last hurrah

This week was my last hurrah for the next 50 years. I attended the National Council of Teachers of English Conference in Chicago, my last conference before Emmalyn arrives. I truly enjoyed exploring, listening to colleagues' sessions, meeting famous authors such as Tim O'Brien, and meeting many wonderful new friends.

Some might think I sound disappointed that this was my last baby-free conference, but I'm not. In April, I get to take Emmalyn with me to my favorite conference that I have been attending for the last seven years and for which I am on the planning committee. The "conference regulars" and committee members are my friends, and I am honored that they have already volunteered to watch Emmalyn while I present (they didn't even ask if I was bringing her...there is a whole generation of "Allerton Kids" who come with their parents each year, and they knew Emmalyn was coming with me).

So, I am glad I had a wonderful time at my last "child free" conference, but I am even more glad that my next conference will be one where I not only get to see my friends and colleagues from around the state, but that I also, FINALLY, get to introduce MY "Allerton Kid."

No words

There are just no words to describe how amazing it is to see our daughter moving around and kicking on the sonogram screen.

Meeting with Attorney

On Friday, Hubby, Birthmom, Birthgrandma and I met with the attorney handling our adoption. He is a kind and gracious man who has adopted his own children. In many ways, he seemed to understand mine and hubby's heartache and eagerness to be parents after so many failed attempts. He even graciously agreed to take payments because we have not raised all the money we need yet (no other attorney in town who handles adoptions would even consider this).

Everything seemed to go perfectly well, except we finally faced the fact that we have to deal with Birthfather now. Our attorney noted that if Birthfather does not sign the papers within 30 days, then his paternal rights will be automatically terminated, and he has no recourse. We pray this is the case.

Other than this snafu, we are very happy with how things went as are Birthmom and Birthgrandma. We are joyously counting the weeks until our daughter is in our arms, and our family is complete.

Hubby finished our baby's changing table today...it's absolutely beautiful. We cannot wait until my semester ends, so we can finish our daughter's nursery. Our daughter...I just can't seem to say it enough.

I love it when...

I love when Birthmom sends pics of her belly to my phone.

Introducing...

Our daughter, Emmalyn Ann due to arrive at the end of January. We are over the moon with joy!

A gaggle of nerves

Sometimes I think I'm going to explode from all the emotions I feel. I just keep reminding myself that soon, I will have my baby in my arms.

The next two weeks

In the next two weeks, we will be meeting the attorney handling our adoption, and we get to find out the sex of the baby.

Everyone asks if we want a boy or a girl...the truth is, we don't care. I don't dream of baking cookies with a girl...I dream of making cookies with my child. Hubby doesn't dream of playing catch with a boy...he dreams of playing catch with his child. We both dream of rocking our baby to sleep, reading bedtime stories, making cookies, going trick-or-treating, and opening presents on Christmas morning with our child.

These next two weeks truly start the countdown for us until we bring our baby home.

One thing is for certain, this baby will never lack for love.

Busy little bees

It seems like forever since my last post. School has kept me super busy as I try to get all my committee work lined up to be completed while I am on maternity leave.

Baby's room is pretty much ready...we have a bassinett, changing table and some clothing and misc. items ready to go. I plan to spend the first part of Christmas break on the decor.

We meet with the adoption attorney on Nov. 7th, and on Nov. 14th, we finally get to find out if we are having a boy or a girl.

We have about 15 weeks to go until Baby Hyde arrives, and we couldn't be more thrilled!

So, back to decorating, fuundraising, and getting ready for baby!

The other side of the pain

A co-worker's daughter has been struggling with fertility for a few years now, and she just recently learned that aside from In-vitro Fertilization, there is really no hope of her becoming pregnant. In some ways, hubby and I were lucky we didn't have to get that far in our fertility treatments to achieve pregnancy. My problem was simply that I wasn't ovulating.

When our insurance finally agreed to pay for treatments, I spent three years "experimenting" with different fertility drugs before the doctor's finally found the right combination to make me ovulate. Once that happened, a few more pills and a shot each month, and I was pregnant. I lost the first baby early in the first trimester, but knowing what worked helped me to get pregnant very quickly again. The problem was that even though the drugs made my body work right to ovulate, they did nothing for helping my body through the pregnancy...I lost my second pregnancy in the second trimester.

For all the heartache and physical pain I went through, it was worth it. No, I never got to see my babies' beautiful faces, and I will never get to hold them, but I got to feel them grow and move inside me. I got to sense that wonderous feeling that comes with knowing I was having a baby.

I feel that way now even though this baby is growing in my heart, not my womb. That feeling takes away the emptiness being childless has left in my life. Even though I've been where my co-worker's daughter is right now, I could never go back completely.

Knowing what that pain feels like makes me sad because I've made it a few steps farther than she has. I've been able to live on the other side of the pain because I've felt a baby growing in my body, and now I feel a baby growing in my heart who will soon be in my arms.

I will never forget the babies I didn't get to bring home--they will never leave my heart. I will always bear the physical and emotional scars of losing them, but I will also always remember the joy their presence brought to our lives. I never thought I'd say this, but I am so amazingly lucky to have had them even though our time together was short. Yes, it is truly better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all!

So to my co-worker's daughter...I've been in your shoes...I've walked your path, and I know the struggle and grief you are going through. I pray everyday that whether your baby grows in your body or your heart, you will get to bring them home soon!

Ribbon Candy Ornaments for sale!

Our next fundraising items are tree ornaments. The first is our ribbon candy ornaments! They look just like the real thing and come in a variety of colors! $3.00 each. If you buy 5 or more, I’ll pay for shipping! E-mail me at sshyde2@comcast.net to order yours today!

Thank You!

Steve and I want to express our heartfelt thanks to all of you who have helped us raise money to bring our baby home! We are overwhelmed with your generosity, ordering craft items I am making, or just giving us money out of the kindness of your hearts.

We swear that we will teach our baby to be as kind, loving and generous as all of you are, and we will make sure that he or she knows that our friends, family, and even strangers helped bring him or her home to us.

Thank you...

Shopping and tears

Today I arrived at Wal-Mart to learn, big surprise, that my prescription was not ready yet. Rather than sit on the cold metal bench, I decided to wander around the store to see all the things I didn't need but felt compelled to buy.

For the first time in a very long time, I wandered through the infant section. My arrival there seemed like second nature, and I smiled as I saw the cute outfits, soft blankets, and beautiful furniture for babies. As I was testing out a baby swing/bouncer combo, I was suddenly struck with tears.

I have not shopped in the baby section of any store for so long because doing so broke my heart and reopened the wound at the very core of my being. Today's tears were tears of joy. I realized I wasn't nervous, pained or feeling any other negative feeling as I browsed through onesies and checked prices for baby necessities. I was just peacefully, happily shopping for my baby.

I sit and type this with tears in my eyes. Who knew a simple shopping trip could make me so happy?

Baby's first gift!

A former student of mine came by with a gorgeous blanket she made for us to sell for our adoption fundraiser. She also surprised me with gifts for baby! I love that she brought menthol bath soap (for those sniffly days) and Dreft spray-on stain remover along with the most darling pj outfit and hilarious onesie. The most wonderful thing she gave baby was a framed story about adoption that made me tear up.

Here it is: "I was sitting in a busy behind a mother and a little girl who seemed to be in a bad mood. The mother had blond hair and hte little girl was Asian.
'You don't love me!' the little girl said angrily.
'Of course I do, honey!' the mother kissed her on the cheek. 'Why ever would you doubt that?'
'The kids at school said that because I am adopted, you can't love me like a real mother!'
The mother looked the little girl in the eyes and said,'You know there is only one difference between you being born to me and being adopted. You know what that is?'
The girl was quiet for awhile and then asked in a sulky voice, 'what?'
'Being adopted only means that instead of you growing in my tummy, you grew in my heart.'"

Baby is definately growing in our hearts...we think we're about to burst!

Our little soccer player...

I got to feel the baby kick tonight! I asked if baby was a boy, and he kicked. After that, everytime I called him by the name we chose for a boy, he kicked again. I couldn't help but tear up.

Unless we've got a little stinker of a girl growing, I'm going with baby's belief that he's a boy. I suppose we'll know for sure in a month.

Happy Birthday to Birthmom!

Today is Birthmom's birthday, and we can't help but wish we could give her an amazing gift. Unfortunately, we have to be very careful about this sort of thing because the State of Illinois doesn't want there to be any situation where we look like we're "buying" the baby.

This seems ridiculous to us because Birthmom has become a friend, a family member, and someone very important in our lives. Surely, it's only natural that we'd want to give her something special on her special day. On the other hand, I can see the state's point...I'm sadly confident there are situations where people have "bought" babies.

Even if we could give Birthmom a gift, nothing in the world could match the precious gift she is giving to us. If gratitude had monetary value, then Birthmom would be insanely wealthy.

So, to Birthmom--we hope your birthday is as wonderful and amazing as you are! We look forward to your next birthday when all three of us can celebrate together with you!

Growing love...

As baby grows rapidly in Birthmom's tummy, he or she is growing just as fast in our hearts. As I sit quietly on the couch, getting ready to crochet another set of booties, my mind wanders to baby. In just four months, baby will be coming home with us, and we will rock him or her to sleep in the once empty room we feared would never be more than an office.

Each day, we fall a little more in love even though we think our hearts could not possibily be fuller. While baby is safe in Birthmom's tummy, he or she is also forever safe in our hearts.

If there is one thing this baby will never lack, it is love. Baby's Birthmom, uncle & grandma, our families and we have so much love for him or her already, and that love grows strong each day, and will grow stronger each day for the rest of our lives together.

Maternity Leave Plan

Today I presented my plan for maternity leave to my Dean. I will find out soon if it is approved. Yes, I could easily take FMLA time and stay home, but I prefer to not be so broke I can't breathe since FMLA time is not guarenteed to be paid time off.

Instead, my plan is to only be on campus a couple of hours a day in order to teach my classes and spend the rest of the day at home with the baby. This will help in several ways. First, I won't have to worry about losing three months of pay--I can use my accrued sick time to "pay" for the hours I won't be at work. With all the costs associated with adoption, and babies in general, we really need to have my full income. Secondly, this allows me to feel less like I'm abandoning my other children (my students), so I can enjoy my time home with baby even more. When I return to work, I will only have a couple of weeks of working full time before summer vacation starts and I can be home with baby 24/7.

There are many other reasons why this plan works for us and baby, my students, and for my employer. So, everyone cross their fingers that this will be approved!

In other news, hubby and I were tickled pink with joy when Birthmom asked that he be at the next sonogram appointment so we could all learn the baby's sex together!

Finally...a craft sale we can attend!

I finally received word today that Grandma and I can sell our goods at a craft fair at St. John’s Church during their Germanfest (i.e. Oktoberfest minus the beer) celebration. I was beginning to lose hope! I will be spending the next couple of weeks crocheting even more like a mad woman!

In the meantime, I am taking orders for hats, scarves and booties for infants, kids, adults. Also, I can make ponchos for girls. Prices depend on quantities and sizes (the bigger the size, the more materials and time needed). You pick the color. Free shipping on any order over $50.00.

In order: Girl’s derby hat (solid white with pink bow accent), girl’s poncho, girl’s booties (with lacy pattern trim) boy’s ski hat, boy’s booties (no trim), boy’s baseball cap. All of these are made for infant’s size, but can be made larger.

To order, e-mail me at sshyde2@comcast.net

Today's OB appointment

Today's doctor's visit didn't include a sonogram, so we are still guessing the baby's sex. Hubby and I are thrilled the baby and Birthmom are doing well, but it would be nice to know if we're having a boy or girl.

I admit, I'm a little disappointed we won't get the news for another six weeks, but I was overjoyed to hear the baby's heartbeat again.

While waiting for the doctor, Birthmom, BirthGrandma, Birthmom's friend and I were having a great time! The staff must have thought we were having one heck of a party because we were laughing so hard! I'm really glad they will all be a part of our baby's life because they are such a riot!

The concept of time...

Some days, hubby and I think January will never get here. Other days, hubby and I marvel at how soon we will bring our baby home. We no longer have any concept of time.

So for today, the 24 hours we have to wait until seeing the baby on the ultrasound screen and hearing his/her heartbeat seems like a lifetime. Tomorrow we find out the sex of the baby, and we both anxiously await the news.

I am eternally grateful to Birthmom for inviting me along to her OB appointments!

What's in a name?

When we began this journey, hubby and I agreed to come up with a name together with Birthmom. We decided awhile ago that if the baby were a girl, her middle name would be Lynn, but that was as far as we got.

Tonight, Birthmom texted me with a name idea for a boy, and after a few texts back and forth, I called to make things easier for my texting finger. After a couple of hours of laughter, contemplation, googling and compromise with Birthmom and BirthGrandma we now have names for a boy and girl.

Hopefully, we will know the baby's sex this week, and once we do, we will announce the name we have chosen together for the baby.

Our growing family

Today, I took hubby's Grandma Joyce (she's an amazing woman--truly she is my favorite person in this world!) to run some errands. Our last stop was to drop off a set of raffle tickets to Birthmom and BirthGrandma to sell. Grandma Joyce was overjoyed to meet both of them, and Grandma was tickled pink when Birthmom let her feel the baby in her tummy. Grandma is thrilled that her newest Great-Grandchild is on his or her way.

Baby is growing and moving around...as Birthmom put it, we have a soccer player on our hands! I am so thrilled that everytime I see Birthmom, she graciously lets me touch her belly to say bye to the baby when I leave. Doing so really makes me feel connected to our little one!

Inspired by birthmom's cravings...

Birthmom mentioned she was craving sweets. I was craving cookies. I was out of brown sugar to make chocolate chip cookies, and out of vegetable oil to make honey cookies. My only option was butter cake with milk chocolate frosting!

Hopefully birthmom will make it over to our place tomorrow to try a slice because it is literally melt-in-your-mouth delicious.

Our first piece of baby furniture

Friends of ours are expecting their first child just a few days after our baby is due. I was mega excited when she called to tell me that they had an extra changing table they wouldn't be using and asked if we wanted it. It's a beautiful table that is shiny white and looks gorgeous in the baby's room which has been painted a nice yellow.

I've never gotten far enough along in my pregnancies to buy anything for the baby's room, so I have to ask...is it normal to get this excited over a piece of furniture?

Regrouping

The craft fair where we were planning to kick-off our fundraising efforts has been moved to the Spring (too late for our baby who is due in January). So, we must find another craft fair asap.

In the meantime, we will begin raffling craft items online in the hopes that people will buy tickets to help us raise money to bring our bundle of joy home.

I felt a little defeated when I learned this earlier, but I've regrouped and gotten my focus back...thinking about finally being a mom is all it takes to remind me to keep moving forward!

A little heart attack tonight...

I was out with friends tonight enjoying a blues band at a local bar & grill when I noticed I missed a call from Birthmom’s mom. Since it was late, I was quite worried about what was happening, so I called back and learned they had a fire and that Birthmom had inhaled smoke. A few minutes later, I got another call that Birthmom was being taken to the ER, and my friend graciously jumped up with me and ran me over to the ER.

Birthmom looked a little worse for the wear, but seemed to be doing okay, and I was glad. I was still very worried about the baby until the nurse used the portable machine and let us hear the baby’s heartbeat. This was the first time I’ve gotten to hear the heartbeat, and my heart fluttered with joy when I got to hear how strong it was. Birthmom and baby are doing well…on their way home now to rest.

As I sat in the room with Birthmom, Birthgrandma, and Birthuncle, I realized how quickly our family has grown not just by one, but by four.

Hurry up and wait...

Now that hubby and I have rushed around like madmen to get everything in place to adopt, we suddenly feel like time has frozen. Sure, January is only 4.5 months away, but we've experienced a dizzying and nerve-wracking situation similar to finding yourself in bumper-to-bumper traffic after three hours of driving 70 m.p.h. down the highway. Just like little kids, we will probably soon be asking each other "are we there yet?"

The truth is, we never got past the "getting everything in place" stage of pregnancy before. We lost both of pregnancies before the second trimester really got underway. Yet here we are now...soon to be parents of a healthy baby who is doing well in the second trimester. We secretly count the days until he or she arrives, and we are forever grateful that our long wait to hold our child is truly almost over.

Somewhere, deep inside me, that empty spot I was so sure would never be filled has been filled beyond capacity with love and longing for January to get here, so we can bring our baby home.

I Love Lucy

When my nephew was a baby, several episodes of I Love Lucy played late each night. My sister, while up for Munchkin’s 2:00 a.m. feeding, would watch Lucy faithfully each night. Everytime she sees the show or hears the intro music, she’s flooded with memories of rocking my tiny, angelic nephew to sleep early in the morning.

I wonder what late night show will be on when I give our baby their late night feeding. Surely nothing as good as I Love Lucy plays at that time anymore. Tonight’s 2:00 a.m. line-up includes Frasier, Animal Cop’s Houston, Star Trek: TNG, and Friends. What happened to the classics?

Whatever show we end up watching, I have no doubt that seeing that show will remind me of those late nights, gently rocking my baby back to sleep.

Is this what it feels like to be a parent?

Somewhere in the back, my mind is always on that little miracle growing in his/her birthmom's tummy. Today, as I was teaching my Composition class, I noticed that in my 5 minutes of downtime while groups were working, I was daydreaming about the baby.

Now, I sit in my office, having just finished putting together a presentation for the Division Chairs, and getting started on my next project, and I can't help but notice how often my mind wanders to the baby. I wonder if the baby is okay and if Birthmom is doing better now that she's seen the doctor for her cold.

I'm not worried about the daydreaming, I just wonder is this what all parents feel during the day?

Birthmom is sick

Baby's birthmom has had a cold that has gotten bad enough that she went to the doctor today. I am worried about her because I know there's not much she can take to ease her symptoms because of the baby. I hope she feels better soon!

I am still kinda amazed at how my capacity to love has reached out to include Birthmom too. I love what she is doing for us, and I love her personality. She’s funny and bright and insanely generous and mature for her age.

I truly am looking forward to the lifelong relationship we will all share with the baby.

Falling in love already

Love truly amazes me! If my heart is already this full of love for the baby, I think it will explode when I actually get to hold him or her in January!

Call it fate?

Hubby and I have never doubted fate because of the way we met. During my second to last semester of undergrad, a friend told me about her friend, Steve, and how well we'd get along. She said the same to Steve about me. However, this friend failed to return to school the following semester to introduce us, and at that time, having a cell phone was not an option for poor college students, so we lost touch with her when her home phone was shut off.

So, the semester began, and I figured I would never have the chance to meet this random Steve who was somewhere on campus. One night, a couple of weeks into the semester, my phone rang.

Me: Hello?
Steve: Hi...is this Spring?
Me: Yes...who's this?
Steve: Do you know a girl named Mary with red hair?
Me: Yes...who's this?
Steve: I'm Steve. I think she told us about each other?
Me: Oh yeah...HI.

Steve found my number while looking through the campus phone book for another friend's number, saw the name Spring and thought "how man Spring's could there be?!?!?" And so fate began our journey through life together.

Now fate has once more stepped in to make our lives better. Just when we thought all hopes of becoming parents was lost...the moment when we literally said "so much for that," a very good friend of mine was talking to someone who wanted to know if my friend knew anyone looking to adopt. That someone was our new baby's grandmother, and after meeting her and baby's birthmom, we know now that fate has truly got plans for us!

The reason for our new blog...

So many people have been asking about our upcoming adoption, and the fundraisers we are planning, that we thought starting a new blog would be a great way to keep everyone updated.

A wonderful, kind, and very mature teenager has asked us to adopt her baby, and we are thrilled beyond belief. We have been trying for 10 years now to be parents, and we were almost ready to give up hope when we were introduced to the little miracle we plan to bring home in late January.

Okay…I’m going to be completely honest here. Hubby and I don’t exactly have the money to pay for this adoption because we exhausted our savings on fertility treatments, maxed a credit card on a previously failed adoption, and exhausted our loan possibilities on our adoption agency that is (gasp!) not handling this adoption.

Our wonderful, generous, kind friends have given us a million suggestions and offers to help, and we could not be more grateful to them for all they are doing. In October, we will be selling items at a craft fair and all the proceeds will be used to fund our adoption. When the time draws near, I will be posting pictures and taking orders for handmade items that include Christmas ornaments, dishtowels, hot pads, and coffee koozies. I might even be talked into making a few scarves and hats.

To ask what comes next really and truly humbles us because we have prided ourselves on always being able to take care of ourselves. But here we are, literally at the end of our journey, and our sources of instant income have run dry. In addition to all our crafting efforts, we have also set up a donation spot on PayPal. If you can, please send a donation our way to help bring our baby home. And if you can’t donate, please send prayers our way!

Adoption update!

Hubby and I are 110% confident this is going to happen! I’ll be going to birthmom’s next appointment, and there she’ll list me as one of the emergency contacts. She also asked me to be in the delivery room with her!

I’ve spent the last 24 hours or so running around like a madwoman looking at all of our options for fundraising. Thanks to the awesome women at our tax office and bank, we are going to set up a bank account to accept donations from anyone willing to help us bring our baby home! Also, as I mentioned before, we’ll be selling all kinds of crafts in the hopes of pulling together the money we need to fund this adoption.

I will probably update constantly about this because I am mega excited, and I’m still somewhat in shock that in just 4.5 months, I’m going to finally be a mom! We’re halfway there!!!

Explosive generosity for adoption!

I have to say that I have always known I had wonderful friends, but their response to my request for help raising funds for adoption has been amazing! A few friends have agreed to sell raffle tickets for an afghan I made, others are planning to purchase items we are making, some are donating items they are making to our craft sale, and others have agreed to sit with me during the two days of said sale!

I am even more amazed by the generosity of those who do not know me personally! The attorney in town who agreed to work out a payment plan with us has got to be the kindest man on the planet! I found an article about a woman in Eastern Illinois who has done fundraising for her own adoption which included her number. She not only accepted a call from a complete stranger, but actually talked to me for nearly an hour about fundraising, what to do, etc.

Add all this to the amazing girl who did not shy away today when I asked to touch her belly. I felt the baby move, and I was overjoyed. Correction…I felt OUR baby move, and I was overjoyed beyond belief.

In January, I’m finally going to be a Mom! My cup runneth over!

Funny how that happens!

So let’s recap the last few months…

April: Hubby and I get a loan to pay for adoption services from Catholic Charities and begin taking classes to get licensed to foster/adopt. We can’t afford infant adoption because we’ve exhausted our savings and equity on fertility treatments and a previously failed adoption. This is our last chance.

May: After beginning the whole process that requires more soul-baring than a papsmear, our Adoption worker FINALLY tells us that CC is in a lawsuit with the state of Illinois because they refuse to allow same-sex couples to adopt through their program and the state had just adopted a Civil Unions law. We continue taking the classes required of us.

June: CC assures us that we will be able to adopt through them. We are a little panicky, but we trudge forth hoping we will be parents soon.

July: CC loses its fight, all hell breaks loose, and no one can tell us what’s happening. We are getting fed up with not having answers, but plod forward with the classes we paid for because we have no other alternatives financially.

Mid-July: My uterus decides to have a massive fit, and I panic because somewhere deep inside, I thought there might be a chance of having our own child somewhere down the line.

Early August: Uterus is on the brinks again. We finish classes, get licensed, get approved by state. Our adoption worker keeps us going but can’t seem to tell us exactly what the final verdict in court means for our adoption hopes.

Mid-August: Uterus has complete breakdown…enough to send us screaming and we have to deal with incensitive dickhead doctor who basically chastises me for not having children and blames this for why I’m bleeding like a stuck pig. My regular OB/GYN recommends an IUD to control the uterus issues. Hubby and I have never wanted to miss the “chance” of a miracle, but I am out of options—either I get an IUD to regulate my uterus’s heinous expulsions or I risk anemia and having a period every 10 days.

Almost the end of August: We give up hope of having a child of our own. I schedule appointment for IUD and privately mourn another loss.

Almost the end of August (literally…the very same day): My co-worker comes bounding through the door of my office to tell me she just talked with a woman who asked if my co-worker knew anyone interested in adoption. She tells her about me, and I call to talk to the woman more. Her daughter is 16 and pregnant, and she wants to give the baby up for adoption, but she wants an open adoption (so do we!!!). We are all on the same page about what we want!

Early September: We have only one obstacle…finances. We have exhausted all loan possibilities, our savings and home equity. Funny how we literally had to hit rock bottom to find the miracle. We’re working on craft projects now to sell as fundraisers, and we’re scrambling to find an attorney who will take payments (talked to one the other day who was very sympathetic and knew some friends of mine who would vouch for us).

I beg for your prayers, thoughts, positive energy, etc. to be sent our way that we can sell enough crafts to bring this little miracle home when he or she is born in January.

So much for being a parent…again.

So Catholic Charities has lost its lawsuit with the state of Illinois. Our caseworker still hasn’t bothered to tell us what this means for our adoption hopes, and it’s been over two weeks since the judge made his decision in the case.

We have exhausted our funds on fertility treatments, a previously failed private adoption, and now this. There’s nothing left. Our hopes are diminished.

Why couldn’t my uterus just work for 9 months?

There are just no words…